Scars are Not Always Visible
Post from 2016
Depression is such a nasty disease. At least I think it's a disease, depending on how you think about it.
It honestly ruins your life. It stops you from being able to think clearly and to get things done. It makes you tired and unmotivated, but not lazy. Don't let anyone tell you that you are lazy when you are depressed. They are just ignorant.
Let me tell you a bit about my story. I was depressed in high school. My sophomore year is when it really became apparent that something was wrong. I didn't know how to handle my life anymore and everyday was a struggle. I was constantly telling myself that I couldn't survive my troubles and that it would just be easier to end it then. I must say I am happy that my mother stepped in and got me help and that I am here today. But, I know it is not that easy for some.
I was open to treatment. I was ready to see a therapist and wanted to change. I was given antidepressants at the right time where they helped exponentially. I also understood my medication and how it worked. Additionally, I didn't experience any side effects, which many people suffer from.
This doesn't mean that my story was "easy" or "incomparable to other people's stories". Everyone is entitled to their own story, their own adventure. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I saw a counselor here at my college and she told me that my anxiety wasn't as bad as some of my fellow students and I should be grateful for my ability to make it out of bed and go to class. I sat there the entire time and could not connect to her because I knew that she didn't value my struggles and the way my anxiety presented itself. If you suffer from depression, or someone you care about does, consider what words you say and think about if it really will help him or her, or just hurt them and make him or her want to hide even more.
I would say that depression is like being suffocated by a life of darkness and trying to scramble out before it eats you.
Current thoughts (2019)
I posted a picture of myself online to my personal pages. It was the first time I have felt confident in a long time. This followed a really low time for me. I was not feeling what I felt in high school but it was different. In high school, I had high moments and really low moments. This time, my overall mood was low and that was awful. I couldn’t smile and I didn’t enjoy singing along to my favorite songs.
When I posted this picture and shared my current struggles, I had a few people reach out and send encouraging thoughts. One friend, shared they had been feeling this way recently and were looking for advice. I mentioned a few things that I do personally to help with this and would like to share them here as well!
Firstly, I tell myself that the household chores and non-vital tasks are not important for a few days. I let myself really take time to work through things.
My most valuable piece of advice I think I can offer, is to not run from depression. I have found in the past that running from depression can make things worse. I take a few days to live in it. I allow myself to feel whatever comes and to just take time to get better. This time, I took two days to live in the funk I was feeling and then pulled myself up, got the chores done, and tried to move on.
I know it isn’t always this easy. I am well aware of that. If you are struggling greatly and can’t seem to pull yourself out of the pit of quicksand, tell someone. Ask for help. Do what you need to do to make things better. I told my mom who helped me find a therapist and got myself some antidepressants. While medication is not for everyone, it was helpful to me. Therapy for me was my saving grace though. Sometimes, it takes a bit to find the right therapist but stick with the search. It can be the difference between depressed and happy (whatever that means for you personally).
Reach out if you need someone to chat to (adventuresinne1@gmail.com). If you need further assistance, contact your doctor, the suicide hotline (1-800-273-8255), or the local police if it is an emergency.
Thank you for reading and I hope this helps someone out there.
Allie the Adventurer